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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Rules for Surviving a Fantasy Story

1. Find the old guy with the funny hat who says wise old sayings all the time and stick to him.

2. If you aren't the main character, never stand directly next to the main character or too far away either.

3. Never fall for the girl that the main character falls for.

4. Never make fun of a Dwarf's height.

5. Never cut down a tree in front of an elf.

6. Never stand between a Dwarf and his ale.

7. Never stand between a Dwarf and his food.

8. Never be the first person to stick your head into a dark cave.

9. Never try to reason with an Orc, unless the reason has an sharpened edge.

10. If you don't have magic, be thankful not envious.

11. When dealing with dragons ... Well, just don't.

12. Always have a spare blade hidden on you.

13. Never remove your helmet to inspect a near arrow miss.

14. Never be greedy unless you are less than five feet tall and have hairy feet.

15. Never steal food from wizards named Zedd.

16. When dealing with gods or supreme beings, never be rude unless it's baiting, or you have a well thought out plan and a place to hide.